I Should Not Have Done It!

A year ago, 17th of November to be exact, we got the keys to our new home, a beautiful house in the countryside. The interest rates were relatively low, electricity prices were reasonable, fuel prices normal and as a countryside dweller these are the costs that you have to calculate on top of the food prices and other living expenses. And then, in February 2022 Russia started the war on Ukraine, and all of these things went haywire.

I was walking our doggos and the title sentence slipped in my head. “We should never have done it.”

We should never have done what? Move here? Escape the city life and change it to the peace of countryside? Should we somehow have predicted that our newly bought plug-in hybrid Toyota had a malfunction that required a part to be shipped from Japan to fix the hybrid system, or that Russia is going to cause havoc in Europe, causing the massive inflation of food prices, the 300-400% surge in electricity prices, or the hitch in fuel prices?

The thing is, we cannot live our lives in the fear of “what if” all the time. We have to be able to live and make decisions based on the information we have at that moment. There has been enough news articles in Finland about people who are saying that “had we known what will happen, we would never have bought this house”. Why not? Wasn’t that house the home of your dreams and you got it because you wanted to make changes in your life and lifestyle? If not, why did you buy it in the first place?

Back in the 1990’s (a long time ago, I know), I started to write a story for a LGBTQ website and it grew and grew and grew. But I never finished it and it has been dormant in the computer ever since. Every now and again I have returned to it, toying with the idea of writing it and trying to get it published. But every time there was something stopping me. But now, in 2022, I feel that finally something has changed. Maybe it is because of me finally realising that I am only going to get older and if I really want to be a published author, I better buck up and finish the Finnish version. This led me to think about my wifey – she doesn’t speak or read Finnish that much that she would be able to understand all the nuances in the story and I had a discussion about this with her.

“Why don’t you write it in English”, she said. And I couldn’t think of a good reason. So now I am not only writing the story in Finnish, but translating it in English at the same time. And yesterday, on a moment’s whim, I made it public on my Instagram and Facebook that I have undertaken this project and will be publishing it as soon as possible.

When I got up this morning for work, my thoughts were “I Should Never Have Done It”.

Not that I don’t want to do it, far from it. But writing a book has been my long time dream and I have told it to very few and selected people because I have always thought I would not be good enough writer. And I have always feared that if I submit anything I write, I would be officially told that I wasn’t good enough. And now, after a cup of glögg I go and publicly announce that I will be doing it.

And not just that – I also ignored the voice in my head telling me that I should never have done it. Ignoring it made me step out of my comfort zone and I do feel unsure of the path I have chosen, but my past experiences in life have taught me that those paths are usually the best. And that is why I shocked my inner “you should never have done it” -voice even more – by creating a Patreon page for my project. So, not only have I made my deepest desires public on Instagram and Facebook, I have actually started to ask people for donations for my book-to-be. 10 years ago, heck even 2 years ago, I would never have thought I would do something like this. But this time, I decided to take a leap of faith and not listen to the “I should never have done it”.

But What If I Fail?!

Over the years me and my wifey have tried a multitude of different things; we have lived in multiple countries, we have dabbled in network marketing businesses, we have even tried to sell Partylite candles! That proves to be much fun, but as the products are far more expensive than those you can get from supermarket, it really didn’t prove to be a money making thing. So after many trial and error runs I think there is no failure. It is only us humans who tend to see the negative in everything.

If I decided to be afraid of a possible failure, and the maybes, would I be even trying to put words on the paper? Probably not, as I would see that as folly.

But it is important also not to see these trials and errors as a learning curve instead of failure. Long time ago we moved to Birmingham, UK. For several months we lived there, trying to find jobs, going even from door to door, marketing house insulation. And in the end, we had to return to Finland. But because of that time in the UK, we know more about house insulation, how the banking and rental markets are in the UK, and so on.

And now, when I try to utilise my Instagram, my Facebook, Twitter, and even Patreon to make my future book succeed… I can draw on a multitude of experiences from my past to assist with it. And now that I have made my project public, I really would like you to participate in it – maybe even just by offering words of encouragement to me if not contributing to my Patreon.

And I will keep you all posted!

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