It’s the night with a sliver of Moon hanging in the star-lit sky. The roads are now silent as people have settled down. One can hear the sounds of people from restaurants and bars. I am just happy and content to enjoy the moment of solitude, walking from the bus stop towards our home.
These moments of solitude, especially when I feel tired and exhausted, are the ones that make me wonder of all those “what ifs”, the moments where the life’s paths diverged and we all have had to choose one lane instead of the other.
The night wind picks up as I walk down the street. It is not cold, summer is definitely coming. But it is a cool, stark reminder of a winter past. It tries to get under the coat, trying to send a small shiver down my spine after the warmth of the bus.
Whilst sitting on the bus, and even now, I was reminiscing of the olden times. You know, back then, when you are young and carefree, and all the things like the war in Ukraine and the situation in Palestine seemed to be years and years away. There wasn’t any Covid-19, or climate crisis… the world just… was.
Now, walking under the pools of light made by the street lights in the different countey, different city… I sometimes wish I could conjure that dream again and feel happy and content. Can you imagine how great it would be to combine that carefree time and the life you have created for yourself now… combined?
Some of the streetlights aren’t working, and as it is only a sliver of moon in the sky, the light isn’t enough to give any extra illumination. It has always made me uneasy, the dark patches I mean. Maybe it is some unconscious, neural path that has followed us humans since the beginning of time. Earlier, there might have been dangers lurking in the shadows, but now the shadows seem to be more inside our heads. They make us question our choices in the dead dark of the night. The same dark whispers that vanish with the sunrise. The same dark whispers that keep you awake until the sunrise.
Dawn… the promise of a new day and new ideas. At the moment, I feel completely stuck with my life; the work is routine, and every day is routine. Even if I wanted a change, I had no chance to pursue it. Not with these living costs. Not with this tumultuous situation in the world. But, with the changes forced upon us at work, it sometimes feels like a God-given chance to go forward, to finally pursue the dreams that had to be postponed.
Some wise person said that to appreciate light, you must experience darkness. And it is true, even after a broken streetlight, there will be a pool of light underneath the next one. After the night, a new day will begin, and these dark thoughts will be part of the past.
These weary thoughts that have followed me from the bus all the way until now, are pushed backwards as I am drawing nearer to home.
I can see the lights of our house, streaming out from the windows. Their glow is warming, inviting, and filled with love. I can feel a small smile creeping to my lips as I dig the keys from my pocket.
I open the front door, and am greeted by our dogs happily welcoming me, both trying to tell me that they have missed me terribly and that they have been having walkies and saw bunnies and heard birds. Both of them want to be carried at the same time and get jealous if I only pick one of them up.
My wifey comes out from the kitchen, telling me that the supper is ready, and her smile and eyes tell exactly everything I need to know. In this house and home, there is love. It is almost tangible. It is the smells of the cooking, the bright eyes of the dogs looking at us. It is the warmth after the pre-summer evening outside.
And then she comes and hugs me. I can feel the weariness and the darkness of my thoughts dissipate. With just a simple touch, the affirmation of a brighter tomorrow is there. I hug her back, telling her how much she means to me.
Look, a new day has begun.